We need love and trust in a relationship for it to grow. And, in order to maintain love and trust, respect needs to be there. Yes, that sounds like a lot of work, but we all deserve and want a relationship that flourishes and makes us into better persons.
Sadly, many of us see disrespect in our homes, in our parents, in our workplaces, in schools, in social media, and even in our friendships. But the most unfortunate and unacceptable kind of disrespect is one that we witness and/or personally experience in our intimate relationships.
First, we have to understand that healthy relationships have, at the very least, these four foundations:
awareness of self and of your partner
how you both deal with conflict: do you know how to fight in a constructive way or do you avoid fights altogether, leaving a lot of unspoken issues
your values & your partner's and how you both respect and make room for these
the connection that you have with each other: are you turning towards each other or are you drawing away from each other with each day?
What it all comes down to is how the couple shows up in the relationship to strengthen these pillars. Psychotherapist, Dr. Esther Perel, guests in a podcast and talks about The BIGGEST Reasons 80% Of Relationships FAIL.
In JarvisHypnotherapy previous article: How to Recognize Disrespect from your Partner, we've discussed red flags in a relationship that you should watch out for, such as:
your partner keeps lying to you
your partner gives you the silent treatment
your partner uses your insecurities against you
your partner calls you names (which can also take the form of gas lighting)
they interrupt you, talk down to you, talk over you (which means they don't care about what you think and this also signals that there's superiority)
they will not allow you to have independence & privacy. (In other words: controlling, stalking, crazy jealous, not trusting you, snooping through your things & emails.)
they make big decisions without you
they constantly tell you how you're supposed to feel (instead of listening to you and validating how you're feeling about things that matter to you)
your partner ignores your boundaries
Moreover, Mel Robbins takes a deep dive into the 7 Common Types of Disrespect in Relationships That Need to Stop.
1. Lack of consideration
2. Perpetual lateness
3. Dismissive (indifferent)
4. Condescending
5. Applying pressure to get you to do what they’ve planned or what they want
6. Backhanded compliments (i.e. they say something but underneath there's an
underlying assumption about you that actually hits you)
7. They talk over you
Not tolerating disrespect and calling it out will lead to breakthrough and awakening in the person who is disrespecting. At the same time, it gives you a boost of confidence and self-respect because you are firmly and clearly communicating your needs. It helps the relationships in both ways: it helps your partner and it helps you. If you're the one who's showing disrespect, however, and when you're called out, you become a kinder and more pleasant person. Consequently, you'd feel a lot better about yourself.
So, even though your relationship may be nearing breakdown, once the common red flags are addressed –and you're willing to put in extra work to fix things, the possible messy breakdown could still turn into a breakthrough!
If you’re in an unhealthy, disrespectful relationship and would need professional help, reach out to JarvisHypnotherapy. We are here to help.
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